The Parents We Mean To Be

Harvard psychologist RichardWeissbourd argues incisively that parentsnot peers, not televisionare the primary shapers of their childrens moral lives. And yet, it is parents lack of self-awareness and confused priorities that are dangerously undermining childrens development. Through the authors own original field research, including hundreds of rich, revealing conversations with children, parents, teachers, and coaches, a surprising picture emerges. Parents intense focus on their childrens happiness is turning many children into self-involved, fragile conformists.The suddenly widespread desire of parents to be closer to their childrena heartening trend in many waysoften undercuts kids morality.Our fixation with being great parentsand our need for our children to reflect that greatnesscan actually make them feel ashamed for failing to measure up. Finally, parents interactions with coaches and teachersand coaches and teachers interactions with childrenare critical arenas for nurturing, or eroding, childrens moral lives. Weissbourds ultimately compassionate messagebased on compelling new researchis that the intense, crisis-filled, and profoundly joyous process of raising a child can be a powerful force for our own moral development.